Saturday, August 30, 2003 :::
 
happy belated birthday to blog!

I remember the fleeting thought while I was at home, that it's been somewhere around a year since my blogging life went public. to the point where I was actually telling people that I was posting my writing and random acts of blog online.

"and it goes a little something like this...(hit it!)"

----------------------------------------------------------
::: Thursday, July 18, 2002 :::

...a pebble in the pond...

Many thanks to my dear, xxcentrik, james for the inspiration to FINALLY get myself bloggin.

Who, you may ask, is speaking? Let me try-to-begin-to explain:

Preparing to begin my 2nd century of living.
Born on an island but spent most of my life on a continent across the ocean.
Raised in a Filipino household with an American address...and lived to tell! The saga continues...
Learning to believe that it's better to have loved and lost than to....yeah you know the rest.
Decided a few years ago that having a 619 phone number would be better than 650 for a while.
Attempting to learn something...and ended up with more than I bargained for.
[Why didn't anyone tell me that the whole "loved and lost" thing can happen more than once in a lifetime?!]
Writer of recipes and collector of memories.
Owner of an overactive mind, a loving heart, and friends and family that I don't always deserve.
Beliefs include God, love, people's tendency to speed up after you decide to pass them on the road, that my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world, and many more that will fill this blogspot over time.
Sometimes misunderstood, but always sincere.
Under construction.

So I've dropped my pebble into the pond...and this is the first of many ripples.
----------------------------------------------------------

Today is Saturday, July 30, 2003. As is the custom with any birthday, I have that philosophical tendency look back, look now, and look forward. Just a reality check to put things in perspective, make sure that they're moving foward and on the right track.

There's going to be one more candle on my birthday cake, but actually it feels like I need 5 or 6 more.
I gained the courage to let love into my life, but he didn't have the courage to stay. (Although he invited himself, I'll never really know who he was.)
My resolve to live every day with patience and passion is nothing if not stronger.
Things that were once very important have now become...secondary...even tertiary.
I am still the proud owner of extraordinary friendships...yet I think I missed the fine print regarding some - seems as though they were simply on lease, with specific conditions.
What I had come to consider without life has been reborn,
all thanks to a young man on a bicycle, whose name I'll never care to ask for.
He is no longer around for us to be introduced, however he found a way to reintroduce me to my family.
For that I am forever grateful.
By the 2nd birthday of this blog, I will have switched my phone number back to the 650.
The old beliefs are the same, if not stronger and reinforced.
I am happily reunited with many long lost friends(ters).
I saw the mountains of Utah, the autumn leaves of the east coast, Ground Zero and the glory of Manhattan.
Had a Dream in Washington D.C. with Biz Markie, Magic Johnson, and a whole lot of party people. (That was a long, crazy night...)

This isn't working.

I wish that I could be as inspired as I was that night last year. But I think it's pretty obvious that my writing lacks the same flow and decisiveness. My vision is blurred. My path is unclear, yet I feel the current that I'm traveling on is taking me towards my dreams and goals. So many things/people I once had faith in have earned my doubts.

Just goes to show you can't fight who you are, and sometimes reflection is better left for another day. Or in this case, night.

*We now return to your regularly scheduled blog, already in progress.*

::: posted by sugar at 10:41 PM


 
I *heart* Veggie Tales!


(yes, He sure did. hehe)

Meet Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber...


...and Junior Asparagus! This one glows in the dark too. Is this the modern day Glo Worm?


Once upon a time, I worked at a place where we not only sold Veggie Tales stuff, we had to play their videos every day for a month. So what was first a bunch of annoying kids songs became just so damn cute. And they talk about "nice" topics like sharing and being a good friend without sounding bo-ring or cheesy. So if you see an unusually cheerful girl driving down the street singing songs about talking to tomatoes, it's probably me. :-)

::: posted by sugar at 9:27 PM


 
new is not always better

while i was at home, my sister was nice enough to buy me a new pair of flip-flops from old navy. they're very cute, two kinds of blue with that flowery pseudo-islander look, and a thicker sole so i guess i won't look like i just walked outta pacific super. (daly city joke) anyway, when i get around to wearing them, they're quite nice...til i hit the tile floor in the dining room and i start sliding around like 8th grade graduation.

in other words, those "better" thicker soles are all slippery on non-carpeted surfaces.

MAN! does this mean i gotta break in a pair of FLIP FLOPS??

but hey, they were a gift, aka free. can't win em all, i guess. :-)

[i still like my black & white flowery ones, at least i'm not afraid of falling on my face.]



::: posted by sugar at 12:52 PM


 
Saturday Morning Playlist

[Let's not try too hard to go Freud with this list of songs...they're just all good stuff to kick back to on a Saturday morning.]

David Gray - January Rain
Eva Cassidy - Fields of Gold
Dionne Farris - Hopeless
Diana Krall - A Case of You
John Mayer - My Stupid Mouth
Fleetwood Mac - Landslide
Jason and Jane - Through Confessing
Jason and Jane - All Because of You
Jason Mraz - I'll Do Anything
Jason Mraz - You & I Both
Norah Jones - Bessie Smith
Smashing Pumpkins - Perfect
Common w/Mary J Blige - Come Closer
Oasis - Wonderwall
Goo Goo Dolls - Sympathy
DJ Sammy - Heaven (candlelight remix)
Brandy - Come A Little Bit Closer
Chantal Kreviazuk - Far Away
Sting & Craig David - Rise and Fall
Billy Joel - Just the Way You Are
Dido - White Flag
10,000 Maniacs - Trouble Me
The Coors - One Night
Chantal Moore & Kenny Lattimore - Still
Ms Dynamite - All I Ever
Javier - Crazy
Linkin Park - Session
Massive Attack - Protection
311 - Amber
Nas - I Can

etc. ...

There's something really special about waking up while the world around you is still asleep. The air is cleaner outside, among other things, LOL...hasn't been affected by the day's pollution or heated by the sun. But yeah...it's just nice overall because of the sense of peace and quiet. The possibilities of a brand new 24 hours. No phone calls yet, nothing can break your peace and quiet except for you. The deep blue getting brighter and brighter.

Did you know that telemarketers call as early as 8:30 on Saturdays?!

Sheesh.

Well anyway, "Hello Weekend!" Hope everyone has a safe and fun one. I suspect I'll be back here a lot this weekend, but just thought I'd send good vibes to everyone traveling. Gas prices spiked for the long weekend. Capitalist bastards! LOL Don't forget your sunscreen and drink water *wink*.

::: posted by sugar at 10:09 AM



Friday, August 29, 2003 :::
 
Informercial of the Night

The Bebop.

Similar to The Lark (c'mon, you guys remember that one right?), it's a scooter type thing for people that...want to get around easier.

But what makes the Bebop ad so interesting is that it has an entire STORY behind how it got its name. After almost 10 minutes, I still haven't heard about how it's cool or features...just some correlations between the innovation of the bebop era, the American Spirit, blah blah blah. And interviews with "go-getter" people who bought Bebops.

Pretty good marketing if you ask me.

::: posted by sugar at 2:20 AM


 
almost famous

ok i've come to a realization and it's a liiiiiiiittle bit sad to admit.

i'm suffering from what i'd like to call ashton kutcher syndrome. no, i'm not trying to date demi moore.

i just hope that i can be famous enough in my own right, to the point where i can meet really famous people.

is that shallow? is that cheezy? does that make me an attention whore? eek!

i've never really considered myself the fanatic kinda fan. well of course, i scream and cheer like a teenager when necessary. and sometimes when totally unnecessary. LOL. but i don't like to freak out celebrities by screaming and crying. the times i've been fortunate enough to meet talented and/or famous ppl, i love being able to pick their brain, or even just say "i really admire your work."

can you imagine how gratifying that would be if THEY paid ME the compliment of visiting one of my (upcoming) places?

man oh man.

i gotta hire some kinda samantha jones PR guru to get that in motion.

but of course, before VH1's Fabulous Life of [insert celebrity's name here] features one of my (future) venues as a favorite of said celebrity...i still have to face my #1 critic, yours truly.

p.s. - this message has been brought to you by the MTV Video Music Awards, since there were HELLA people there i woulda loved to cater a party to, and The Late Late Show w/Craig Kilborn...since I've had a crush on him for ages. one of my favorite cute & funny white people.

::: posted by sugar at 2:10 AM


 
why downloading mp3 isn't always bad

As you may or may not know, I am a HUUUUUUUGE fan of Jason Mraz. I can't stress that enough. If you don't know, you're missing out. Seriously. Anyway, even though I'm an infamous downloader (it's a financial thing!), I am such a fan of Mraz that I actually bought his CD. I am happy to say that I'm one of the ppl that helped him earn his Gold Record. :-D

But the CD is currently missing. I think I left it in my brother's room...many hundreds of miles away. As my niece would say: "GAAAAAAAAA!" (Yup, she really spells it like that too.)

Well, damnit, really really wanna hear "You And I Both", "I'll Do Anything" & "Sleep All Day" cuz they're in my head. What to do?

Click. Search. "Download." Click. Click. Wait.

Woohoo! (Damn you know I'm desperate when I'm downloading under 192.)

You & I Both
words & music by jason mraz

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing

But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
Others only dream of the love that I love

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive

Now you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of

and it's okay if you have go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of words.

::: posted by sugar at 12:21 AM



Wednesday, August 27, 2003 :::
 
"sometimes you feel like a nut..."

are you a morning shower person, or an evening shower person?

i ask myself this as i sit here, post-road trip, looking over at my bed that i have been missing for the entire summer it seems. i could tumble in there right now, with my "magic" blanket and curl up with the TV on timer and my HBO. or i could work up enough energy to drag my grubby self into the shower, which is what i said i wanted while we were somewhere in orange county.

[as i contemplate this so-called dilemma, my much missed box fan is whirring away...and i contemplate the merits of a Harris Ranch cookie to shut up my stomach growling. i'm in my supercool computer chair...which unlike the one at my brother's room, supports my entire back (even as i slouch) and stays in one piece. LOL]

do i even have shampoo? i should...LOL...i dunno.

only one way to find out!

8/27/03 4am...p.s. - there was shampoo. hahahaha... :-P

::: posted by sugar at 3:17 AM


 
bittersweet symphony
(first movement)

so i'm back in my apartment. back at my desk. the house is asleep, and in a way i'm nervous about what the next week will bring. simply because all of the explanations need to be made, stories told, and news delivered.

as if i didn't have enough to deal with in the bay area... but i have to deal with everything that entails my life here in san diego. the people that have come to depend on me and care about me to whatever degree. this summer has been above and beyond anyone's expectations. who would've thought that 2 uncles would have passed away, and most memorably, i would have had near losses of both my brother and my sister? just to name the highlights, that is.

gosh, i missed this keyboard. types so much better than the one that came standard with the "family computer".

shit. i'm feeling it in my heart that the 'countdown' has begun. in a matter of months, i will say goodbye to this place that i've called home and return to the home i've always kept in my heart. it is really a bittersweet thing. i love and hate san diego. i love and hate everything that i've lived through in the last 5 years. i would not be who i am today had it not been for my experiences, and i'm not implying any regrets. but for all the ups and downs...i can't truly say how i feel about leaving. it hurts and yet i know it's the right thing to do. it breaks my heart that my plans did not happen the way i dreamed. but that's life. i'm going to miss my roommates and my relatively carefree lifestyle. but i can't live with blinders on forever and just kinda live "whatevers." my future is not going to wait for me, it will simply show up. and if i'm not ready for it, then the only person to blame will be me.

i'm so scared.

yet excited.

happy.

sad.

nostalgic.

hopeful.

driven.

anxious.

during the drive home, i noticed all the things i was saying to luke about life, love, personal struggles, family...and in the back of my mind i was thinking to myself "my gahd, is that me talking?" the old soul that i've always known i had just feels so much...older. yes, God would never had set me on a path towards something that i couldn't handle. but wow, i handled all that? true, some instances were handled better than others. but here i am, on the verge of 26, with all this experience and knowledge that's really only the tip of the iceberg.

i miss my family already. leaving them hurts me so much. i feel that we are so much closer to being the family i always dreamed of. not anywhere near the actual dream. but closer to that state than we've been in my memories. this comfort not only came with age, years and time...but with all of our ages and experiences combined. i'm convinced that they wouldn't be able to give me half the credit i receive (in terms of my opinions and my decisions) if i hadn't been able to prove that i could survive (barely) on my own. and the actual physical seperation gave them time to think about me and my absence from their everyday lives. naturally, vice versa.

my mind is in so many places. i know that the biggest fight for me will be focus and priority. there will be many times where an idle or overly occupied mind could really mess me up. there are gonna be opinions and judgement flung at me, and my own insecurities about the upcoming changes in my life. i have to resolve to be strong and stick to what i know to be important. that, although what i'm doing may not be the most obvious choice for what's good for me...but it's a bigger picture that i'm looking at. and i have to remind myself that it isn't my responsibility to make ppl understand my choices. the ppl that care about me most respect them, and I know that it's best, so anyone else can basically kiss my arse.

i miss this late-nite computer routine. it's like walking on eggshells at home because the desktop is in my brother's room and he gets annoyed with the typing (who wouldn't?). meanwhile my sister has the laptop but that's the company computer and i don't really feel comfortable with the interface/layout of the keyboard/etc. i know the smartest thing for me will be to get a laptop also but...wow. changes changes changes.

my dad keeps stressing to me about how i need to sell as many things as i can. i know i will be...but there are so many things that i'm going to have trouble parting with. because they're MINE. either i worked hard for them, or they were gifts... sigh. the breakfast at tiffany's photo is non-negotiable. i don't care what anyone says. it has too much sentimental value. i'll get a different TV (although i really like it, it doesn't have the proper hookups for a dvd player anyway), the furniture will be sold (i love the whole 70s throwback look, and it's level with the bed), THE BED will prolly be sold to luke (LOL, gotta keep it in the family). damn i have so many framed photos. where the hell is that gonna go? boxes for a while, i'm sure. sigh. i'm gonna have to get something hung up on my bedroom walls or paint it, i can't hang with that blank white space. shiet we own the place! i should be entitled to do what i want, right?

LOL i'm rambling aren't i.

hey before i forget, i have to mention for the record that the apartment is a FUCKING MESS. why can't i ever come home to a straightened place? LOL. i love my roommates with all my heart but that just really sucks to come home to a mess. sigh.

PHAAACK life is going to be "interesting" for the next few months.

to be continued.

::: posted by sugar at 2:58 AM



Friday, August 15, 2003 :::
 
White Flag

I'm sooooooooooooooo happy because Dido has released the first single of her upcoming album. Which means...she's gonna tour to promote it, which means I finally get to see her live!!!!!!!!!

Those who have been reading my blog for a while know that I totally dig her, ever since I heard "Thank You" during the credits of Sliding Doors. She's smooth (sonically and fashionably), she's got a voice with a lot of dimension to it, and she writes her own stuff. Plus she and I both like Craig Kilbourne. (cutie!)

I've discovered thru a UK fan site that Pete Tong mixed a danceable version of the song for Radio 1. Still searching to see if I can find it for download. If you do, please let me know! Meantime, here are the lyrics...enjoy!

===

White Flag - D.Armstrong

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

::: posted by sugar at 5:45 PM



Tuesday, August 12, 2003 :::
 
I SO WANT ONE OF THESE!

Yay Gryffindor!

[yeah, I'm a dork. So? :-D As if you hadn't figured that part out by now...]

::: posted by sugar at 4:59 PM



Thursday, August 07, 2003 :::
 
recent conversations have had me wondering about something the last couple of weeks:
when are you really "over it"?

[the following is based on personal experiences and friends' experiences mixed together...]

meet someone, like someone, date someone, break up.

cry, yell, drink, smoke, don't sleep, or whatever else you personally do in your "healing process".

give or receive the inevitable first phone call...with enough awkwardness to last a lifetime. act confident, pretty much knowing that they're doing the same, and then wonder afterwards "Why he gotta sound all cocky for? You'd think he's over it already...@$$..."

then murphy's law hits and seems like everyone is tryin to holla. since you've still got trust issues, you may or may not accept the offers. if you do, no matter what happens in between, you feel weird after (fill in the blank). if you don't, you still feel weird cuz you're home and chillin, or out and feelin out of sorts.

in some cases, you wonder about getting back together. this, i think, is the #1 reason why ppl still get loopy about their exes. cuz there's that horrible fear of being "over someone" when they come back to you finally. but shouldn't that be viewed as sweet revenge? "haha, want it now, too little too late!" or something? that's what i think...used to think?

i dunno. i worry. some ppl make things harder than they should be. sigh.

::: posted by sugar at 4:35 PM


 
Here's a way for you to help in the fight against AIDS.

Go Pia!

::: posted by sugar at 4:00 PM



Sunday, August 03, 2003 :::
 
wish i'd written it...
[for more on the author visit www.xanga.com/applema]

i'm scared to sleep

i used to love to sleep.
i'd work so many hours that sleep came easy.
it was safe and sweet.
i'd dream about the happy things.

but now i'm afraid to sleep.
i'd dream all these wonderful things and
wake up smiling,
believing they were true.
only seconds later, i realize,
it was just a dream.
i'm hit with what is real.
and it's not happy.

good morning.

::: posted by sugar at 11:11 PM


 
escapism and other such shennanigans

seeing as i've been working through some of the most *EVENTFUL* times of my quarter century...i'm gonna have some cathartic blogging with a dash of A.D.D.

i'm so bummed that jimmy and adam are no longer going to host the man show next season! ew! that's like when they switched darren's on bewitched, or that new guy in matrix reloaded couldn't sell that story over why tank was no longer part of the cast. "died" my ass, it was a contract dispute!

yesterday was jon and mo's engagement party. yay!! it's a little surreal that they're getting married, we're grown ups! gotta admit, there's still the nostalgia of jon's old crushes and mo's ex-boyfriends. i guess it's what comes with being away from everyone these past few years. but i still remember how happy i was when jon first bought the ring, and then the day after the proposal...sigh...so romantic. hehe. it was great to see so many old faces at the party, and meet new ones again. you know what i mean, those ppl that you don't see very often or they're friends of friends...every time you guys are in a room together, ppl say "oh do you know ___?"

with this ping-pong lifestyle that i've had the last few years...it's amazing that i even have good friends at all. i think deep down i worry that because of my lack of proximity, and all the little events/jokes/drama that i miss out on...that i'll end up too far out of the loop. there are certain ppl that mean so much to me, and i cross my fingers and hope that fate will keep us as friends. time and space are interesting things.

(i miss my apartment. i miss having my own money.)

ok, signing off for now.

::: posted by sugar at 10:58 PM

ARCHIVES :::

"The Things We Think, But Do Not Say"