Thursday, October 31, 2002 :::
 
happy halloween!

i'm not feelin the spirit of it all. then again we're the only country that really celebrates it the way we do here in the US, is there?

[james] said he went to see a Halloween parade today with kids. awhhhh!! i miss those. the whole walking around in a big circle and seeing what everyone else's costume was.

what was your first Halloween costume? i was a frog. lol. it was pretty ghetto but i was just so happy to have a costume i didn't care.

from what i heard, Spidey was the thing to be this year. the surprise was there was no Boo or Sully from Monsters Inc., no Spongebob...hmm

what on earth am i gonna be at the party tomorrow? we got a long list of options in the Evite but...hmm... we shall see.

the judge's ruling is that i should have told darryl that i'd go with him to the party when he asked. i didn't realize just how bad what i said sounded until later. i really gotta learn to be nicer. what's funny is that i always considered myself nicer than most. but what it comes down to is that for someone that's been playing the game for how long, i'm nice. for just a nice girl, i'm kinda bad. i'll make it up to him later.

he was saying his friends want to go to axiom, so i said "oh ok if you wanna roll over with them i'll just see you tomorrow." and he says he wants me to go too if they do go. "i wouldn't go without you." WTF? sheesh! this kind of attention is gonna take some getting used to.

i'm still trying to feel out if this is going to become a controlling type situation or what. or if i really do accept who he is and what he can be in my life. how much am i going to allow before i start to really be a real bitch about guarding my own space and independence?

cabbie said it best i think. my main problem right now is that i'm still lookin at him through a "players" eyes. not to say i'm some playa playa but for 4 years now i've just been doing whatever i felt like doing i gotta reach back in the days and start thinking like a good girl. then it won't seem so scary, and i'll just be able to see the good for what it is.

::: posted by sugar at 5:57 PM


 
there is way too much going down this week! so where was i? we're gonna make this really short so we can fast forward into the present.

the next few days were family stuff at the house. getting the latest news about the family back home, etc. that vietnamese chicken noodle soup was a hit. thanks diem!

last thing i wanted to mention was TGIF's with jenny [bunny], james [boo] and jon [dood/"sweetface"]. the last time we'd gotten together like that was in 1997!!! at chevy's. same occasion, to celebrate me and jenny's bdays. i haven't laughed that much in a long long time. i guess the big cock next to our table was an instigator. why didn't we notice it til the end? considering all the nights we've been to that TGIF's in our lifetime.

i think what i loved the most was the comfort of it all. it's one thing to kick it with someone after a long break and then you spend the night talkin about old shit. but when you can get together after a long break and laugh your ass off about totally new shiz and enjoy each other's company, that's some cool shiz. we're talking wind beneath my wings type of cool. haha.

there were a lot of ppl there that night for some reason, ended up seeing a lot of old school faces. i started to wonder if i'd ended up at cheers!

eventually, time came to head home... i hated having to stay quiet while everyone made plans to get together for the world series, birthdays and just general hangout type stuff. but i told myself - this is the life that you chose. you have no one to play the violin for you. just finish your biznass and come home.

i'll wrap up my trip home this way:

i live in cali.
my soul is in the bay.
i met myself in san diego.
my mail comes to la mesa.

::: posted by sugar at 3:58 PM



Wednesday, October 30, 2002 :::
 
homecoming recap

damn, took me long enough, eh?

oh my blog, how i've missed you! not a day has gone by that i haven't thought of you. but i guess i wanted to wait until we could spend some serious time together. i didn't think you deserved a quickie. (hee) hint to self: turn off your IM and don't have your email open when trying to blog several days worth of stuff.

wednesday, 16th...packed the day of as usual. got the airport in the nick of time, and still managed to get a window seat. although for the 2nd time I sat one row too far back. and for the 2nd time the person whose seat I was in actually wanted to sit one back. dood if i was them i'd just say "hey you're in my seat but that's cool I'll take yours." LOL. (apparently I'm having issues with capitalization again. I'm sure that some psychological analyst will say that my life is haphazard or something. well guess what, it's just a rebellious attitude paired with the attitude that I just woke up and know that I'm not being graded. LOL). anyway, the flight was good. but i'm seriously getting bummed out every time I see Hayward and the City in the distance slowly fading into...brown. freakin smog. my heart just kinda drops. I remember that six months we lived on Clarinada...I used to sit at the window and watch the planes land, imagine what was happening at each twinkling light in the distance (South City, San Mateo, Union City across the bridge). I doubt that I would be able to imagine such things now with the air quality.

caught up with mom and dad, which is always nice. for once no lectures. had dinner, and then went with [james] to Borders for free reading, snacks and quality time. I guess it's always a throw back to the Barnes and Nobles days that we love so dear. seeing those state kids congregated around one cup of coffee - their ticket to a warm seat and a place loud enough to talk in while studying - brought a mixture of giggles and sadness/nostalgia. sounds like me...a mixture of giggles and nostalgia. lol after a few hours of good fun, the announcement comes that Borders is closing, blah blah blah. so we call it quits for now, but not before admissions that my being home is good. that i missed my boo! and that we're gonna have some fun this week. then the ride home that i've seen and done so many times before, i can close my eyes and visualize when 19th avenue forks, when the tunnel is about to start, when to exit. after bidding one of my bestest friends a fond farewell, i confirmed that yes, the air in Daly City just smells so good to me, and went upstairs.

thursday 17th, finally got to spend time with boots. (how funny because i never call him that, but i figure it's part of the tradition of never using names.) sorry nosybones, i'm sticking with the cliff notes on this one. surprised the heck out of me with a thoughtful and very cool birthday present. good hug! met chihiro at the kabuki. had a GOOD bowl of pho (yummy), caught the latest episode of Friends and couldn't turn down a catnap. saw some really good photography which included the face of a long lost childhood friend. tried to get a lesson in pool, or I should actually call it Step One In Unlearning The Bad Habits That Amy, Jen, Jeff, and Everyone Else Has Taught Me. had a lot of laughs, and also just enjoyed the chill of it all. met some of his friends and went home.

i turned 25 at the T&C Billiards. hee. oh and did i mention that my damn phone kept ringing?! sheesh!

fast forward to the (late) morning of the 18th. met the crew online for some talk soup. i swear we need a name for ourselves. seems fitting considering how much time we spend bullshitting, sharing ideas and love. spent a damn long time inviting folks to the party, having those "oh my gahd you're back!" conversations, and as the guest list grew i started to get really excited at the idea of the party. had a last minute dinner with parents and sister. brother was MIA. disappointing but wasn't all that surprised. old habits die hard. then went home and got ready for the party! wheeeeeeeee...

the theme was casual, which was a trip. wearing sketchers to the club in the city. it was a slight power trip to walk up and see a guest list with my name at the top. lol. and what's even better, to have hella names on my list already crossed off. woo hoo! from the on, everything became a blur, like a dream. so many faces! so many people pulling me over for hugs and introductions to new boyfriends, girlfriends, ftfs, whatevers. faces i hadn't seen in weeks, months, or years. and even san diego folks in the place! my old co-worker from ASH who moved back up, peanut who is now livin up in the east bay, and j&j who drove up from san diego that afternoon. talk about eclectic.

i think the word of the day was freakin ALCOHOL. no matter what i did i couldn't escape it. couldn't get more than 4 feet away from the bar when one of my friends was pulling me back for a shot or a cocktail and some catch up convo action. a post-mortum review of the damage suggests a minimum of SIXTEEN drinks and shots before losing count. MAD LOVE TO MY BOO [JAMES] FOR BEING THE ONE OF THE BESTEST FRIENDS EVER and making sure I ate and got home safely. sorry to anyone who was there when i was talking a little...funny. LOL. if i could redo that night over, i would have been more forceful about my need to hit the dance floor. i still have a fix i need to work out as a result. but ain't no party like a Bay Area hip hop party...the DJ took care of things no doubt. i hope that everyone had a good time!

next time y'all...a dinner instead.

the next day was one of many family parties...this time at our clubhouse which i didn't know until the last minute. straight thought it was gonna be at westborough, good gracious! it felt so good to spend time with the kids. i miss them so much every day, and they're growing up so fast. 17, 14 and 10. made me feel old seeing them get all jiggy...although the sea walk or whatever the hell you call it (that p-diddy lookin dance) seems to be the thing to do, some things never change at high school parties. hee. it was pretty flattering to find out that they thought i was like 19. yay! having to regulate wasn't so fun, cuz no one wants to be the nazi. but better me than my sister or the kids' mom. then went for late night chinese with sis and agustin. gotta love that guy. he actually offered me a loan for the car's down payment. but it just seemed risky to be in his debt. too many ppl potentially gettin in the mix down the line.

while we're on that drama tip...grr...i swear a certain someone's in-laws are just one big URK fest. i always give them love when i see em, hey they're extended family why not. but when certain "cousins" go around doggin out my sister and not giving respect to my parents, i'm bout to box. it'd be one thing if it wasn't at our place. but biatch you at MY house! err. anyway enough of that.

so the next day sunday...what happened? think i spent the day at home? just vegged around i think. talked on the phone, yeah, that's it. well that's not "it", i mean it was great conversation. watched lord of the rings again.

tomorrow i'll give love and props to [bunny], [boo] and [sweetface] and our great fun on monday night. not to mention the big dinner party on tuesday. but right now i'm going to bed. good night/morning...

::: posted by sugar at 2:04 AM


 
RANT (may be suitable for younger readers)

SHIT i'm so irritated right now. I just came home from being out with Darryl. Had a good time. Walked through my front door in a good mood, things to think about. Blah blah blah. And damnit, I get home and decide I'm going to return the Turtle's phone call that I missed during the movie. What a dumb ass fucking idea!

Conversation starts off normally enough about what he's watching on TV. Then the question comes about how things went. So I start in on it, little things here and there worth mentioning I suppose. Still seems to be pretty normal. He's got his comments or whatever. I tangent off into the movie that we saw because I wanted his opinion on what I learned and I've practically instantly lost him. I even introduced it as something that I wanted to talk about. But after a few opening statements starting with "can you believe" and "isn't it a trip that"...Silence. WHAT THE FUCK. He initially explains it as a ramble similar to "well I was getting kinda tired and I wasn't expecting this whole story or whatever..."

Never mind that he called me at like 12 or 1something last night when I was already actually sleeping, woke me up so that trying to go back to sleep was useless anyway, and talking about how he needs my opinion about what to do about this one house that he may or may not put a bid on. And is that even a wise decision considering his job situation. Blah blah blah. And if I'm not mistaken, I gave my opinion honestly and with his interests in mind, and it's not like it even mattered because he said he was just gonna go with his original thoughts on the subject anyway. What the fuck ever. But you know what, it comes with the territory of friendship to do things like that sometimes when they're strung out.

So back to my...URK SITUATION, I feel the conversation coming that has happened so many times before - the whole "don't waste my time" type conversation where he says I tell him something whether I think he cares to hear it or not. WHAT THE FUCK. So I come in after a short silence and say "Well you know what I'll talk to you later or something ok." After his own whatever silence (wherein I should have just hung up) he says "Well I ask you how [it] went and you start giving me this speech about a movie." Did he just say a fucking SPEECH??? "Well, I was under this weird impression that since this is the kind of intelligent thing we talk about from time to time that I could get your opinion on it. And yes it relates to [how things went] because I was gonna tell you how we got into this debate about the media. And how his perspective as a journalist gave me a new respect for him. That I'm learning more about him. Or what the fuck ever, I mean......SHIT." Silence. And the only thing running through my mind at that moment is "You damn idiot girl. You were in such a good mood. Why did you even bother calling him?" I could hear the voices of so many people who care about me saying similar things in my head.

A few sentences were exchanged about how we've been through this before (his POV) and how no matter how we handle this situation, it just evolves into a new approach of arguing about it (my POV). And I'm sitting here berating myself for even calling at all, for even continuing a friendship with someone that is so good at influencing me to FUCK UP my mood. Even a limited one that I've downsized in the recent past. And I just kinda laughed out loud and said "Oh my gahd...." and laughed again. He asks "What?....Am I frustrating you?" "YES." (Keep in mind that he wasn't even done saying the word "you" before I said "YES.") Quick pause. Then he says "OK well [something along the lines of "I'll talk to you tomorrow."]..." And I hung up.

I told that story exactly how it happened, objectively. I even replayed it again in my head to make sure I didn't fuck it up somewhere.

This is such bullshit. See, this kind of thing makes me all fucked up when I try to talk to a more normal guy, or to anyone for that matter. I'm all hung up mundane things like "if I say something, is he going to care? never mind that he ASKED in the first place. i'd better not deviate from the primary topic because he might lose interest and that makes me look so self-centered to do that. how dare i assume that he wants to hear what i have to say?" (this is exaggerated satire of course.)

What practically AMUSES me is the idea that he's sitting out on the balcony right now having a smoke, or falling asleep in front of the TV thinking what an annoying bitch I can be. It would have to be either that, or the fact that he'll just shake his head, tell himself how girls are such drama sometimes, and then choose to have one last cigarette for the night or fall asleep in front of the TV. Then there's the bonus option - call or IM someone, preferrably one his dumber and more sympathetic girl friends, to bitch about me.

ARGH. I have no idea how long I'm even going to keep this entry posted. But I'm going to end it on the note that I had a really good time while I was out.

::: posted by sugar at 2:00 AM



Saturday, October 26, 2002 :::
 
ok i know i owe a MASSIVE blog about how my trip went, and how brown sugar is the bomb ass movie.

but i have to just make one sidebustin' statement.

damn that was fun...and i'm still smiling.

although i'm sleeepy. so i'll smile in my sleep.i guess. "sometimes".


::: posted by sugar at 1:37 AM



Thursday, October 24, 2002 :::
 
back from the land of the fog and mist
returning from the place where my dreams exist
where the family and friends say "welcome home"
and i get full signal on my cellular phone...

to be continued...

::: posted by sugar at 6:45 PM



Wednesday, October 16, 2002 :::
 
"did you wanna go tonight, or did you wanna go now?"
--Luke 10:15:02

last night was the first night of my birthday celebration. hee.

after a lot of debating, the kids, the turtle and i ended up at outback steakhouse for dinner. after some classic moments (ex: the quote above, dropped when debating a change of venue) and a MAJOR departure from a healthy diet, we relocated to extraordinary desserts for some shi shi sweets. (pumpkin, i can't believe you ate that flower.) one of the more interesting moments came when the turtle gave me my present: the one of a kind dress (sample) that i found at loehman's before the OCA Gala last month. i didn't buy it at the time because it was too big and i didn't have enough time to have it tailored. i'm still pretty shocked that he got it. i wasn't even expecting a gift from him at all. the card was really nice too.

pumpkin says to me "see, earlier i wanted to say 'maybe you should be nicer to him' because we knew about this present last week."

the politician says "you guys are still like a damn married couple." i replied, "sure i can believe that. we see each other a lot. the number of good times and arguments is almost the same. and he's got some younger, cuter, dumber girl in another city. perfect profile!" when i hear stuff like that now it just falls off my shoulder.

onward and upward! woo hoo!!!

went to balboa park after dessert since it was like two blocks away. kinda nice to come full circle since one of my best bday celebrations was an evening in balboa park. hee. i wanted to visit my favorite tree but we never got that far. but the weather was awesome. approaching midnight but not cold. a beautiful park in the middle of a city but not creepy winos or shuffling homeless guys asking for stuff. just the occasional dogwalker, foot-commuter on their way to/from work, and us. eventually, food coma kicked in for some, so we bailed.

thus begins the saga of my 1.5 week-birthday...LOL...meanwhile i'm sitting here mentally debating over what to pack for my trip. gotta be at the airport in like...4 hours. yikes!

::: posted by sugar at 9:43 AM



Tuesday, October 15, 2002 :::
 
THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT!

The first All-Wild Card World Series...Giants-vs-Angels.

It was so great to hear the screams in the neighborhood and to see people jumpking up and down in their living rooms. Woo hoo!

It's gonna be one hell of a series!

::: posted by sugar at 12:24 AM



Sunday, October 13, 2002 :::
 
the transporter

go see it. (don't worry there won't be any serious spoilers so read on.)

yes, it's got the beautiful kidnapped chinese girl but it's not the big hit. (no gratuitous ass shots in the men's locker room for the ladies either. *awh*)

yes, it's got a sexy leading man in a lot of stunts, fight scenes and blowing up of stuff but it's not xXx. (yes we know jason statham is not vin diesel ...but he's up there. i'll get to that in a little bit.)

for a film with european producers, a chinese director, a mostly euro cast...it was a nice surprise to hear nate dogg and missy elliott on the soundtrack. :-)

as an action movie, this has got pretty much got the basics nailed: a simple plot that isn't so cheesy i'm rolling my eyes, but so complicated that i have to explain it to everyone after we leave. (it's flawed enough so that i know they did a little too much editing.) really great precision driving. enough gadgets to be cool but realistic at the same time. his 735 was FITTED...whew... great choreography on the fight scenes. plenty of scenes where jason took his shirt off, but not too many.

the girl, shu qi was really cool to watch (mostly). she bears such a resemblance to kathleen for some reason. hmm. anyways, her bio shows that she's been pretty busy with taiwanese and hk films. so maybe i'll see her in something else sometime soon. virtual twilight maybe. meantime, i hope i find out how they got her hair to look that way. damn!

there is just something about a guy that can take control of a car...very sexy. see, i'd already been building up this whole..infatuation since the days of lock stock and snatch. it was mild at first and then grew over time. haha...so when pumpkin went with me to watch the movie i could tell she had her doubts about the whole thing. then during the opening car chase she was like "ok i'm glad we saw this movie...dang he's hot!" hee...there's just something about a guy that can take control of a car that way. plus he's got that commanding way of speaking that doesn't sound cocky, it just sounds...smart. confident. y'all know me...i need a good amount of bright lights upstairs. and..the body helps. in his other movies he just wore the fitted button down shirts and nice european suits but this time it's "hi how are you, would you like to see every muscle i have?" geez. and whoever took the promo photos of him topless, don't quit your day job, they don't do him justice. but he's multi-faceted like vin is...you think you know all about him but then you find out something weird like the fact that he's an olympic diver. (and that vin is actually not just a beefcake but a writer and capable of serious acting.)

last i heard he was engaged to that girl who played lex's girlfriend on smallville. not the recent psycho-fiance chick, the boarding school chick...*pause for google search*...kelly brook. *googling* ok so the engagement thing is not true according to her but they met when he was still on the national diving team and she was modeling. 4 years of just cool relationship stuff. and as i expected, she says he is utterly romantic. *sigh* how groovy.

oh so the movie, that's right...well i can't really say much more without giving it away. hell it's an action movie, there isn't that much plot. but i will say to those who don't know the name "Bacon" or "Turkish", go rent Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. what am i saying - those are two titles you need in your DVD collection. provided of course you're a fan of brit humor...which is very quick, sarcastic and more subtle. doesn't bang you over the head with the jokes. yet brit shows and movies can get away with showing more stuff or making more obscene references. err. guess it's not a simple comparison to describe. maybe in another blog someday.

for now, i'll just leave it at that.

go see the movie.

oh and i'm hearing good reviews about Brown Sugar. shoot, with mos def and taye diggs? hee. can't wait to catch that!

::: posted by sugar at 11:38 PM



Saturday, October 12, 2002 :::
 
friday night was interesting.

i thought it would be sort of a rerun of thursday, except there would be more stuff on TV. took a call from the Turtle and his "should i break up with her" issues, and then on the other line comes my "brother" Luke, who by that time I was expected to be home sleeping. Instead he said the most random line I would have expected from him:

"Ate [means "big sister"], let's get drunk."
"Uh...aight dood."
"You're not busy are you?"
[Contemplates the movie on mute, the call on the other line and my favorite pajamas.] "Naw dood I'm not busy."
"Aight I'll be right over."
*click*
*click*

The economic climate dictated that Bar Dynamite would be the destination...always a good bet seeing as Friday nights were home to the stylings of DJ Ratstar, aka Ratty. Woo hoo! No line at 11:30 was a little unsettling, but we were greeted with the kind of hip hop you don't hear on the radio...and that made it all ok. Well, that and a Long Beach. Hee.

The bummer was that, in the many Fridays that I'd missed at BD during my unemployed life, the crowd had undergone an evolution again. There was a scent in the air that smelled like...PB. Folks that ventured up the 5, away from Plan B and Tremors seeking better music but not wanting to pay the cover charges downtown. But hey you can't help it if people are on the hunt for good music. Gotta love that. What I didn't love was when Ratty started to get all mainstream, "Channel nine-three-three" [the-top-40-we-play-the-same-songs-every-hour-station] and shiz. Yikes! Then it was attack of the hipsters and the yuppies on the dance floor.

Hey whatever moves you. I wasn't really out to dance for once, but couldn't ignore some good moments from De La, Blackstar, Tribe, Black Sheep(?!)...etc. I think even Luke was surprised to see me just sitting down most of the time.

We managed to work up a good buzz, and during the trip next door for a new box of yosis (I'll never understand how he can smoke 'ports) we realized that we'd had our fill of the place. We were ready for next level - carne asada fries. Neither of us were sober enough to drive alllllllll the way to Noliberto's, so we had to stick with the place near my apt. Grubbed out and fell asleep watching [an extra screener's copy] of Princess Blade [that was sent for no apparant reason]. The alarm was set for 7something since he had work but I woke up half an hour prior in a fog. Although I didn't exactly have the same set up as the old apartment, waking up like that was eerie. I almost thought I would turn and see Phim, Alvin and/or Dylan in the room too, passed out on some corner of the bed or the floor.

Those sleepovers back in the day were probably some of the best memories I'll ever take away from my time here in San Diego. They were innocent times, fun times. I knew so much less about the world than I do now, and sometimes for that reason I wish I'd never taken the red pill. (Actually, it was green but we won't go there.) Back then, we were just about as broke as we are now...some of us are making more money but have more bills. But I think what I and the rest of us loved so much was that it was home. We all knew that when Thursday rolled around, it meant a walk to Vons that lasted 2 hours. Cooking in that tiny ass kitchen with the mini gas stove and the midget fridge. New Friends episode, or a re-run that we'd all seen before. The boys congregating around my computer, which back then was bomb-ass. The girls (and Dee) doing our girl thing. Sound bytes that we still use today. (icy toes.) Board games, Blockbuster nights, and just general shit talking.

Some time later, work schedules change. New friendships made. Thursdays become date nights, study nights, clubbing nights. What used to be a Thursday-Sunday sleepover began to break down until it became a random Friday here, a Saturday there. I can't even remember how it really happened. For me unfortunately, it became a blur of Hedo, Montage, "house parties", and the sleepovers went from Elemental to one on one. The addiction was chemical alright, but it was partly pheromones and not just...the usual distractions. Sigh.

Years later (wow I can really say that now), we all look back and see that each Element is now trying to rule its own realm of the Universe. The Fire still burns, I'm sure...but it burned too many of us. Water flows with Earth, and in some ways we knew it did from the very beginning. :-) The Air...is trying to be less of a tornado and more like a peaceful breeze. And as for the Fifth...just like in the movie, The Fifth Element is very precious and volatile...only comes around every so often for special occasions and finds a way to save us all.

[Love you guys always.]

::: posted by sugar at 9:31 PM



Thursday, October 10, 2002 :::
 
Love

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects.

--Pablo Neruda

10/11/02 p.s. - for the record, i only put this down because i liked the poem. for once there's no underlying meaning. lol

::: posted by sugar at 8:20 PM


 
someone just asked me an interesting question:

"you know how someone sends you a link to really cute/sweet website, card, text message or whatever...well, have you ever wondered where THEY got it from?"

::: posted by sugar at 8:15 PM


 
home alone.

too early to use the cel phone to catch up with loved ones. then again what would i talk about? i know they want to know what's up but after a while, repeating updates makes me feel self-centered.

tired. still drained from the past few days, but no dizzy spells today. fell asleep during princess mononoke and woke up to a call on the cel with bad reception. grr.

roomies all out and about.

friends is on after jeopardy. *yay* let's hope the writing is better this week. or maybe it's a developing ADD that makes me bored with it.

no one fun on the buddy list.

in mild "event withdrawl" that i didn't have to go to LA for the Image Awards, and that there's really nothing for me to do outside the house. but do i really want another vinegrette salad that looks like grass, followed by either stuffed chicken or a fish/chicken combo with a side of weird starch and a random vegetable? then making sure you smile and say hi to the right people, all the while missing your friends who are around the room doing the same thing and eyeing the one cute guy that managed to attend (two on a good night unless you're at the SDAFF Gala)...ok I make it sound like these dinners are bad. they're not, i have fun. they just get old when you gotta go to a whole bunch over and over.

i have a date with me! i miss me.

the weather is perfect outside. cool with a light breeze that kinda goes around you...not the type of wind that tries to go through you. i think a trip to the jacuzzi is in order later.

meantime, laundry...quarters, check. empty washer, one. time to sort...*sigh*.

::: posted by sugar at 8:03 PM


 
[we] are not pleased that many of the festival photos taken are making [us] look totally gross.

ew.

::: posted by sugar at 4:58 PM



Wednesday, October 09, 2002 :::
 
I'm still rotating some thoughts about BLT in my head (hard to believe with all the other crap on my mind). So to cure the fix, I started reading other sites, other articles, and here's some of them:

Roger Ebert's review in the Chicago Sun-Times.
Yknow a lot of people make fun of the guy, and a critic's job is not the easiest to own. But he is a damn good writer.

Oliver Wang from MotherJones.com in a Q&A with Justin...Mother Jones is based out of SF.

AsianAmericanFilm.com has a collection of dialogues with the Parry, Sung and Justin, along with the news of MTV's pickup and the Bay Area press release. (Once again I must commend Justin and the DNA of the AA community for casting and creating such great-looking, intelligent actors. Woohoo!)

Yknow, when certain nameless films were released over the past few years, I really championed them to everyone I came into contact with. Now people are coming back to me saying "See, this is what I love most about BLT, is the lack of apologizing and explanations. Not like ________, _______ or ________." Yes, that is also one of the things I love about BLT. It IS refreshing to have Asian Americans represented on screen as PEOPLE. So that all you're left with is a great script, great directing, great acting...and the people just happen to be a certain ethnicity. Finally.

But we all know that those "cliche" movies that came before...were simply necessary. They opened the door. They told stories that most of America had never heard. Heard accents that most people had never seen. Was it a rough, raw interpretation? Probably. C'mon, I dunno about you, but it was nice to hear the word "bagoong" over the speakers of a movie theater. Hee!

::: posted by sugar at 4:09 PM


 
Hell Yeah!!

The new trailer for The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers is out.

"The Fellowship is broken."

"The power of darkness grows."

"All will be sacrificed."

"All will be lost...unless all unite against evil."

Daaaaaayyyyyyyyyyaaaaammmmmnnnn.

December 18th, baby!

::: posted by sugar at 1:54 PM


 

Happy Quarter Century Jenny!!

::: posted by sugar at 8:21 AM



Tuesday, October 08, 2002 :::
 
song of the day: soul 2 soul, "back to life"

as you can see from earlier entries i was up late again. slept 8 hours, but that has me starting my day at 10:30 or so. trying to get back into routine again. at the same time, trying to eliminate some things from my routine.

jhoc, thanks for the phone convo yesterday. i had no idea it was gonna end up like that...the dam broke i guess. i'm sorry for not telling you more about it sooner. i guess i was just...frontin' like things were all good so you wouldn't worry. there's nothing really that can be done, he'll never learn unless it's through some miracle.

lesson for "nobody": never forsake those that have been there for you, thinking they'll never find out. karma will come back and kick you in the ass, i promise.

this new introduction is...interesting. it'll have to marinate for two weeks at least. then two days later i get back to sd. shiet i dunno. i think last night's call was a surprise for both. i could just hear jinah smiling though.

I HATE BILLS. GRR.

this is going to be a day...sigh.

::: posted by sugar at 12:15 PM


 
found this during my blog surfing...

quoted from an unnamed book:

"Detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it. Take any emotion- love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions- if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them- you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experince them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, "All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment."

::: posted by sugar at 11:03 AM


 
so the big news for the past few days has revolved around the film festival. our third year...hard to believe! i have to say that i'm so proud to be affiliated with such a wonderful cause. as i mentioned a couple of days ago...the tide is really turning now that Better Luck Tomorrow is poised to make major waves in the film community.

mark my words, when it hits theaters in late january/early february...it's gonna kick some major ass in mainstream media. questions will be asked, critics will go at it, and it's going to be the first major jump for hollywood and the general movie-going public to recognize that asian american actors are here to stay.

the following is part of a short article that i wrote for the sunday newsletter...

SDAFF Presents First VISIONARY AWARD

...SDAFF presented its first Visionary Award. Recognizing an enormous contribution to the state and future of Asian American cinema and media arts, the 2002 Visionary Award was presented to none other than JUSTIN LIN, the director and co-writer of BETTER LUCK TOMORROW.

Those of you that had a chance to see BLT last Thursday will have no difficulty realizing why Justin simply HAD to receive this award: his talent, passion for excellence, and desire to create a film about Asian Americans that seems actually about Americans that are all Asian. Moreover, a film that explores the dimensions of young Asian American males, a type of character that Hollywood traditionally sees as "Stockboy", "Take out guy", "Thug 1/2/3", etc.

Variety Magazine dubbed Justin Lin as one of the "Directors To Watch", and SDAFF has every confidence that he, his cast and crew, and BETTER LUCK TOMORROW will see nothing but continued success when MTV films brings it to theaters next year.

Congrats to Evan and his documentary BLT Genesis, a work in progress that chronicles the making of the film and the wild ride of promotions, junkets and film festivals. He won the Best Short Documentary this weekend.

Anyway, I don't want to take away from the other 116 films we screened. And no, I won't talk about every single one here! But keep an eye/ear out for these:

Waterboys - A fun Japanese flick about a boys synchonized swim team. Naoto Takenaka from Shall We Dance? is hella funny as the hustlin' dolphin trainer. ("The wacky turn-corners guy," as Tracy put it.)
The Cabbie - A Chinese movie about a mild-mannered cab driver who falls in love with a traffic officer and breaks every rule in the book so she'll notice him!
Bagong Buwan (New Moon) - A Filipino film about the civil war in Mindanao between the Christians and Muslims.
My Sassy Girl - A Korean romantic comedy of errors about a shy, well-meaning guy and his wild "girlfriend". (Based on the Korean series "My Yuppi Girl".)
The Princess Blade - A beautifully directed Japanese movie about the journey of a female samurai; based on the manga SHURAYUKIHIME.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The films were one thing...but the parties were something else entirely!

There was basically one every night. First was the Better Luck Tomorrow/MTV/Opening Night party. Riding high off the energy of BLT screening, the Q&A w/cast and crew, and the fact that I didn't have to wait in line or pay my way in...I was in a pretty damn good mood. I was so glad that the kids loved it. That they actually said "Thank you for convincing us to watch this film." *yay* Plus I was resolved to not give a damn about about a certain someone, who was with us at the screening but I had no intention of really hanging out with at the party. It was my night to prove that I didn't need him and I could do damn well on my own. I know Jhocelyn woulda laughed if she'd seen me leave him on dance floor. And then there was the time where he and his friends called me over to the bar...a really good song came on and I asked if he wanted to dance. He pulled his usual act...I said "aight well I'm out then." and left him to sort it out. He probably didn't care anyway and went back to sharing a brain with the boys at the bar. Anyway...Damn there were so many people to see and talk to...from my friends to the Hollywood heads to...new introductions. All good in the neighborhood. After the party a bunch us ended up in the filmmakers lounge til some hour of the morning just talking and throwing comedy around...then stumbled home to do the newsletter and take a nap.

Friday night at E Street...It was kinda freaky and fun wearing that afro wig. I'm too scared to cut my hair still though. Jessica, Linda, the SEVENOHFIVE guys, the rest of the staffers and Petron made it all worthwhile. There's also this rush to moving to the front of a long ass line like it ain't no thing, past the velvet ropes to the other side... Drink tickets, dinner buffet and our own DJ...not to mention plenty of eye candy and comedy. I probably could have been a lot smarter about some things. But I'm smart enough to know that that b.s. won't be repeated.

Saturday night Awards Gala. Had to recycle the OCA-SD Gala dress but who cares...it went over well. Hee. I liked the outdoor tent better than the ballroom from last year. The volunteers cheering on the "red carpet" leading up to the tent was a cute touch. The highlight of the gala for me had to be a three-way tie between:
1) the conversation and photo with Keiko Agena (Laney from Gilmore Girls). She is so damn cool!
2) conversation with Justin Lin about BLT and life in general...including his SD days.
3) the mascara moment. under normal circumstances i would have expected to be embarassed or something. but it was cute the way it played out.

Then came the private after-party at DJ Karaoke, an actual open karaoke bar, not one of those private room deals. I was a little worried when we arrived because there was this one Korean chick singing the Titanic song, and I said a quick prayer that these wouldn't be the kind of songs people chose all night. But the dance floor actually got used for quite awhile. Then Justin and Phil turned it all around with some Prince, Guns and Roses and of all things, Janet Jackson. Sophia and I had our "Like A Virgin" comedy moment, and later on the soju had me convinced I could pull off "Sweet Dreams (are made of this)". I heard it went ok. HAHA, jk. I was never that tore back, although the buzz was a damn good one. Joy Bisco on the other hand was haaaaappeee. That girl is so much fun to have around, sober or not. I hope she gets some more offers for films soon. The two top performances I think go to Jinah and Lee Ann...no one does "We Belong" better. Gives everyone freakin goosebumps man! Then Lee Ann and Eddie Shin sang this Korean love song, soooo sweet! He's another cool cat. I hope that Girls Club really does well for his career.

Sunday was a weird day. After waiting a few years for everyone to get ready, I had a late birthday lunch with Tracy and co. at D&B's. And in a possibly unneccesary move, I caught a screening of Waterboys with him. The original plan afterwards was to tag along for a quick bite and then I'd be dropped back off at the theater. But then I ended up at the apartment where it was warm and bo-ring. Long story short I didn't get back until right before the Bagong Buwan screening at 8:30 and had crappy seats. Missed the intro to My Sassy Girl next door. Unlike last year's closing night party, it didn't stay poppin for very long. Kicked off at 9pm and it emptied out around 10. Got there at 10:30 with most of the fun filmmakers gone for the airport and this year's staff kinda separated in different areas of the patio. Ginza Sushi is more spread out than Seau's so I guess that had something to do with it. But it was cool to have the DVD projection of clips and stuff playing the whole time. Next thing you know, the party's over. Incomplete staff photo taken *sigh*. Cleanup and breakdown. Went to the after-party in 501...our host was the CEO of WorldAsia.com...who I'm kinda kicking myself for not having on my target list of sites to market with. Damn I just looked at their coverage of our festival and it's really freakin good. Seems like they have a damn good amount of financial and industry backing...hope they stick around with us! So yeah eventually left there and headed home for some much-needed sleep.

So overall...I'm very pleased with the external results of the festival this year. The public was happy, we gave them 4 days of great stuff, and we proved once again that we could do it with style. The artists had a lot of fun and I think we did a good job of maintaining most of our "down home", casual vibe. I will say that a few of us are already feeling the end of the innocence. Of course, in order to sustain ourselves we need to grease the corporates and studio execs for their support. The bigger we get the more staff we need, and the growth created a little disorganization in the chain of command. The sense of cohesiveness got a little lost in the shuffle. Sophia said it best when she said she felt "remote" from the experience, despite the fact that the weekend was a good one overall.

I'll always believe that what we do is good, that we touch many people's lives and we're contributing to the changing face of Asian Americans in Hollywood. I just hope that we don't reach a point where we can't see the forest despite the trees. I hope that we can maintain that sense of "family", and that our passion to succeed will not drive us to destruction. I know that no matter where my life takes me I'll always be proud to acknowledge the contributions I made, and so long as things don't go out of focus I'll always come back. :-) Even if it's just as a spectator flying in from somewhere.

::: posted by sugar at 3:59 AM


 
I slept 10 HOURS last night. WOOHOO!! I woke up a few times in the middle but still...didn't get out of bed til like 2something. I felt guilty for a hot minute but shieeeet! I think I earned some sleep damnit! Besides, when the hell was the last time I slept that long?!!?!?! But now...between that and the cappuccino I had at dinner I'm kinda back where I started. Sheesh. I've been writing for hours and it's 4am again. Guess I have too much on my mind at this point that I've been dying to get down and write about.

catch-up

on thursday i got a run-down on henry...which basically ran me down big time.

came to find out that he had been in a coma for quite some time and recently woke up. he had suffered some brain damage as a result of the accident, including traumatic amnesia. don't know what the chances are of recovery are at this point.

i'm forever grateful that he's alive. i'm also completely heartbroken knowing that i am probably one of the things he's forgotten.

and to think, i was gonna see him with the rest of the crew when i go home in 9 days.

what else can i say? over the past few months i really grew to consider him a caring and trusted friend. one of my big brothers. one of the last things he said to me was "i can't wait til we can finally hang out." to finally break past that whole online/phone thing. make good on the "we should all...." plans. i guess someday we can just pick up and start over again.

but the person who i really worry about in this whole thing is lexi. they were very close, and i can only imagine the kind of pain she's going through. to speculate that their memories are lost in his mind. and then there's just the anxiety of knowing that he's got a lot of recovering to do.

time will tell...this story is far from over.

::: posted by sugar at 3:59 AM



Monday, October 07, 2002 :::
 
no more, bah bye...

it's that whole post-partum depression type thing, except instead of it being because of a baby being born it's the fact that the festival is done. well of course there are still little things to be done...but let's just say that it's october 7th. not 3-6th anymore..

i won't miss the falling asleep at my desk thing, which actually happened earlier. i guess i got used to coming home late late late, sitting down to check my email, crank out the eNews and passing out. but this time...i'm going to sleeeeeeeep. *crosses fingers and hopes she doesn't wake up hella early all stir crazy about an imaginary deadline* hee...

::: posted by sugar at 4:33 AM



Sunday, October 06, 2002 :::
 
Random comment moment:

This has got to be the best looking film festival we've ever had. And the parties have been the best ever. One more to go...off to watch Bagong Buwan and then the wrap party...eeks! Sigh.

Like Lee Ann said...it's like giving birth to a baby. You're happy that it's finally here but...you still wanna hang on to that great feeling of keeping it close to you. Despite the sleepless nights, the err moments, flakers and freeloaders...the artists and the guests that come out to the festival are so damn cool...they love what we're bringing to them and keep coming back for more.

And like a true masochist, I and everyone else on staff will get back to the grill again come January. Hee...sigh.

OK, I think we're finally *&^%$#@! leaving soon...

::: posted by sugar at 7:58 PM


 
Andy was right. I gotta stop coming over here. When the hell are we gonna leave?!

It's not like something happened. It's actually what doesn't happen that makes things weird. And dood, nothing has happened for almost a year. So at least that part is gravy.

Yesterday, I called him a sell-out. It just came out. And then he asked me how I got that and I was kind of at a loss for words. I know I made him angry for that, and there was a part of me that didn't care. Good gracious.

Ok, rewind to the backstory. Apologies to those that have had to hear this over the phone and read the gory details online. To recap, ever since she came along, I had to make it clear that I was not trying to be the one that wants to hear about the him/her stuff. The nail in the coffin on this issue was when he told me what he said to her during their whole "feelings" discussion, and he said to her VERBATIM what he had said to me. (I swear on my life that that is true. Unfortunate, irritating, but true.) So anyway, that's basically where I stood. This could be construed as selfish. Well then you tell me how to escape that shitty feeling in your stomach/heart/mind. Yeah that's what I thought.

Anyhoo, so no alk-tay about the irl-gay allowed with me. However he was all weirded out and in pieces this one day on the phone. Long story short, they had their first fight. Of course, he thought he reached the no-fly zone and kinda moved away from the subject. But as I held the phone, I heard a voice saying "if you need me, I'm here." Then he said "I thought you didn't want to talk about it." The voice said "I don't, and you know I have my reasons for that. But the fact of the matter is that I'm your friend, and when and if the shit hits the fan, I'm here for you." "Thank you." Later that evening I get the cliff notes...they had a fight, blah blah blah, he's getting frustrated over her behavior, she gets mad and he can't understand why, the mother is overbearing and always around getting in the mix. Then comes the whole "am I wasting my time" thing. Amazingly, I heard that voice again. Seeing as I was unable to put my own thoughts together, this voice said "You have to figure that out. You went so far as to go through all this trouble to connect and commit to this, you can't just walk away at the first sign of trouble. You gotta grow up." Etc. on this and related issues.

So now here we are at the whole sell-out conversation yesterday. It started because I asked what his plans were for the day. (It was irl-gay day.) The sarcasm oozed out when he replied "Taking moms to Seafood City." Blah blah blah. Complaining about her chaperoning habits. And then eventually and unexpectedly, I made a comment about him either being a sell-out or about him selling out. OHHHH I remember now. It was about how, as much as it drove him nuts or whatever, he just ate it up anyways and lived with the drama. And then I said "Well then you can't complain if you're selling out like that."

Yeah, I know. *throws right hand up and looks up and to the right before resting it on temple*

"How am I a sell-out?"

I was silent for a second...and I offered this: "Well there's this guy I know that reminds me of you, who would never let something like THIS bother him and take it sitting down. But I will be the last person to deny that love...or whatever...will make you do unexpected things. Same time...there's reasonable limits. Whatever, I guess I was out of line."

"No you wouldn't have said something like that unless it was serious."

>>>Yknow the thing about a blog? Is that I could be sitting here doing a free-write like this....the-head-to-the-keys-to-the-blog-type thing...is scary. I'm putting it all out there, figuring it out...and someone could just link up, read this and have it all make sense. Eeks. Wish it was that easy for me.<<<

Err. Looks like another round is about to begin. Shieeeeet. ERR.

*ding ding ding*

::: posted by sugar at 7:41 PM



Friday, October 04, 2002 :::
 
overload.

I wish I'd written this: "It's not that I'm ignoring the place or that I've become bored with divulging thoughts; it's just part of the classic Blogger Syndrome in which when many things are happening, it's hard to summarize or find the time to say what you've been up to. I have the Reverse Blogger Syndrome in which nothing has happened worth mentioning."

Linda says it has to do with the Mercury Retrograde...I heard the same thing from the Tarot Card reader guy. All kinds of turmoil. Money, career, academics, family, friends. Sigh.

There are points of light in all of this. On a micro short term level, it's day two of the film festival and last night's showing and party for Better Luck Tomorrow was awesome. I should be getting ready for the Wig Out party but ever since I got home I've been sitting here just whatevers. No TV no mp3, just randomly surfing the BLT website reading Justin's notes on the whole thing. Reading it made me feel like my writing skills have gone downhill. I know many of you have good faith in my abilities as a writer, and I'm also proud of what I've been able to develop. But wow man! Then again it's an unfair comparison cuz he's mister I'm-a-hella-dope-UCLA-intelligent-insightful-writer-director guy. Hee.

The party was cool cuz it helped remind me that I can work a party and not be all concerned about the Turtle anymore. HA, if anything, he was making jokes about how I was all over the place or whatever. Which I guess was true. I saw a lot of old friends from last year's festival, staff people that I don't get to see except at meetings, all the Hollywood heads, etc. Plus just the cool randoms that are realizing just how dope the festival really is. That's always my habit though is to scope out people's reactions to the whole deal, see if they're having a good time, what brought them over, whatevers. So yeah I was just free and stuff, a nice evolution from last year.

This year is better because 1) I'm keeping my promise to myself and not giving him any VIP hookups this year. Although it would have been more difficult to do anyway...you know what I mean. It's the PRINCIPLE. 2) Ben (bless his drunk soul) says to me last night, "I'm so glad you're not hanging out with that dumbass guy this time." Oh wait let me qualify that that was staff Ben, not BLT Ben. That Ben is actually Parry, who 3) I'm so glad I got to talk to! Like many yellow and brown people, you do that thing where you keep your eye out for the people in movies and TV shows that look like you. But all I see a lot of the time are gangsters, nerds, storekeepers, "exotic" chicks, take-out guys, and token minorities. Over the past 2 years, that's developed into the "identity seeking" minority (which I guess is necessary to a degree but err..played out.) But it was SO NICE to see someone actually came up far enough to play a three-dimensional character. WOO-HOO! So what else... 4) I like that girl Karin who played Stephanie. Her part was not in the forefront because of the way the movie plays out, but I'm happy that this was her debut film and hope that BLT jumps off her career the way Michelle Rodriguez got a jump from Girlfight. But yeah I liked my conversation with Stephanie and wish her all the best! 5) Free drinks rock. rob got me that martini even though i was only half done with my sapphire and tonic...which i got from levin. thanks guys! 6) thai ice tea with boba and a shot of crown royale is pretty damn tasty. 7) the DJ had enough sense to play some Blackstar. 8) There are actually a good amount of interesting, intelligent, attractive people walking around the fest this year. Haha...

9:36 already! Eek!

To be continued...*crosses fingers that the migraine will stay home*

::: posted by sugar at 9:30 PM



Tuesday, October 01, 2002 :::
 
just want to send a little blog-prayer...

...for Henry Carino's speedy recovery.

to all you drivers out there...DO YOURSELVES A FAVOR AND WATCH OUT FOR MOTORCYCLE RIDERS.

to all the riders...BE SAFE, WATCH YOUR BACK.

::: posted by sugar at 3:03 PM


 
no jenny bunny, the comments thing is new.

i just got that over the weekend. but it gets tagged on to all the old stuff as if it were always there. :-)

::: posted by sugar at 2:45 PM


 
reruns.

MI:2 is on teevee AGAIN...

Don't get me wrong, I love John Woo's work, Ving Rhames, Thandie Newton, and most especially Dougray Scott and Tom Cruise.

But I feel like it's the summer of 1999 and I'm being forced to listen to "Too Close" by Next without mercy. Yes, cable is notorious for repeating movies and all...but they usually give us a break! I must see this at least twice a month.

Then again, am I being a hypocrite for hating on Showtime? For bringin up old shiet yet again? Hee. *makes yuckface*

Ok, the car chase part is on with the Audi TT and Porsche Cabriolet...buh bye...

::: posted by sugar at 12:18 AM

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